Trust30 VI: Wanting

Today, let’s take a step away from rational thought and dare to be bold. What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to accomplish but have been afraid to pursue? Write it down. Also write down the obstacles in your way of reaching your goal. Finally, write down a tangible plan to overcome each obstacle.

The only thing left is to, you know, actually go make it happen. What are you waiting for?


Behind me lie two attempts to get this challenge out of the way. The phrase “… have been afraid to pursue?” puts me off. I understand people make decisions from fear. But not all of us do. If a person makes fear a reason to do rather than a reason to avoid, then how does this challenge relate?

In our young and formative years we accumulate a litany of cannot do’s and things to fear (sin, sex, sin, disobedience, forests, sex, large animals, heights, sin, running with pointed sticks, neighbors, sex, strangers, green monkeys, sin and on and on and on). Parents, preachers, teachers, politicians and ubiquitous media drum into young heads class restrictions, moral taboos, social no-nos and common sense barriers to potential – rules of behavior based on hearsay and yesterday’s realities.

A few individuals, condemned by curiosity and logic, come to realize much of cannot distorts reality or lacks imagination; that cannot, connoting actuality, is better labeled do not, denoting edict; that everything we know before acquiring pubic hair we were taught in a desperate attempt by authority figures to maintain status quo and preserve a hierarchy of power. 

Mingled with the curious, logical few, another, larger group marches into adulthood without questioning the yoke of social programming. 

Perhaps this challenge targets the latter group.

Another part of the challenge bugs me. “… one thing you’ve always wanted …” The key word here is wanted. 

Parents, preachers, teachers, politicians and media conspicuously discredit methods individuals adopt to explore and distinguish between urges induced by social-programming and genuine desires emanating from core-character. Before encouraging someone to do “… one thing you’ve always wanted …” a friend might suggest removing the mask attached by social pressure and uncovering what we want – in contrast to what we think we want. 

This may seem a silly notion to some. How does a person want something they do not really want? It happens. If social programs trigger an emotion and we fail to check the emotion against critical thinking an artificial but burning want can result. Emotion aches for a thing or situation. We apply effort but upon acquiring the object of our desire we too often find ourselves wondering “WTF, I thought this would make me feel better than I’m feelin’.”

Never happen to you? Congratulations. Good job. You live a blessed life. With embarrassment I admit direct experience of the previous paragraph not once but repeatedly. After many disappointments, on a Saturday morning, immediately following sunrise and an intense sauna, I copped a clue, dropped my shields and started work on the question of questions:

What the heck am I?

Dangerous question that. You want scary? Start digging toward your core – the You of you buried beneath veneered epistemes – stratified social programming accumulated during decades of obedience. Stepping inside and peeling the onion reveals a personal nature distinct from the civilized mask adopted to get through the day. Core-character does not rear dark, clawed and roaring with primitive violence but confronting core-character induces a shift from the smile we put on as we look in the mirror. Core-character threatens self-perception, ridicules life games adopted for success and reveals illusion in what we like to think we want. Approaching core-character ripples reality.

Oh boy. How did I end up here? Does anyone take new-age concepts like core-character seriously?

Uff Da. End of page. Need to get back on my head. Not a great wrap but I did not feel an immediate attraction to this challenge. Happens some times.

Note, some of the language above implies the conditions described exist universally in western civilization or to a lesser extent in the entire species. I cannot know that.

I do not pretend to know the state, process or condition of other Minds. Any sense that I do signifies a weakness of language. The conditions and situations presented above come exclusively from my personal history and imagination. They probably do not apply wholly to anyone and in part only to me. Have a great day.


  • http://www.lavendergiraffe.blogspot.com Dawn Stein

    I often think about the “real me” and am blown away by the idea. Real is a concept that evades me.

    • http://cow.chromepoet.com Chromepoet

      Yes. I think that’s why we like making things. In painting, cutting, drawing and writing, we, or at least I, allow a channel, however small, for the core to express itself. For a few minutes, we (I) embrace that which brings genuine satisfaction. Most troubles, in my less than humble opinion, we make for ourselves because we are confused about what will make us happy. Our core has no confusion.

  • http://www.xanga.com/jsolberg jsolberg

    You are on-track in first disassembling this question into its constituent assumptions.
    I do believe I’ve seen my core, or at least the back of its head several times, both ante- and post pubic hair.
    Undoing the Gordian knot of primal vs received ‘wants’ is a Sysiphian challenge and maybe even a Pyhrhic victory, given the necessity most of us feel to fit in with the flow of our cultures.
    Let’s just say that, this second, at least, I felt like mangling a couple Greek major dudes’s names, and maybe to merely prove that they’re dead and helpless, but for me, there’s always tomorrow, spell-checking, an’ everthang…

    • Chrome

      Disassemble. Reassemble. Repeat. After a million Why?s we discover the greener grass is okay but what about the sky-blue-pink swirls of Charlie Parker spilling the contents of our wallets on the bathroom floor?

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